


I o U

by robin_X3



Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [4]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, Flirting, Fluff, It started with a meme, M/M, Shizuo is a surprisingly good babysitter, very light angst if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3
Summary: Shizuo gets hired as a babysitter. Izayais a simpjust wants to get along.[This fic is a part of a series of (un)related one-shots in which Shizuo gets a new job and Izaya manages to get him fired.]
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988926
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	I o U

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! How have you been? I'm back with another installment of badFlirt!Izaya. Enjoy~! <3

“Good morning Shizuo nii sama.” 

“Good morning Akane chan. How are you?” Shizuo asked, patting her head affectionately. Shizuo looked at the bodyguards that had come to drop her off to the daycare he was working in now, greeting them with a nod before leading her to the playroom inside.

Shizuo still couldn’t believe he got hired as a babysitter of all things. He was already notorious for his foul mouth and short temper, so it was downright absurd that someone would consider hiring him in a noisy, chaotic and unpredictable environment. Not to mention, he was pretty sure he didn’t even apply for this job. 

He greeted another group of yakuza children into the nursery, and wondered if there was something fishy going on here. Was it normal for a daycare center to have nothing but yakuza children?

Don’t get him wrong, he loved children. He still missed taking care of his younger brother, Kasuka, and being an older brother, he was already well attuned to taking care of moody, rambunctious children. Just looking at their bright smiling faces as they told him “Good morning” and called him “Nii san” was enough to forget all the horrible things in his life, like his overdue rent, or how much he missed his brother, or Izaya.

“Good morning Shizuo san.” 

The greeting snapped Shizuo out of his thoughts, and he returned it. “Good morning Mairu chan.” 

“Morning nii san.”

“Morning to you too Kururi chan.” Shizuo patted both the twins on their heads once. “Wait what are you two doing here? Aren't you too old to be in a daycare center?”

“We came to matchmak...ouch!” Mairu rubbed at her side and glared at Kururi, who glared back at her for the _almost_ slip up. “..Right. We came here to see you, Shizuo nii san.” The twins grinned at him.

“..uhh, I’ll have to ask the manager..”

“Good morning Shizu chan, my lovely monster. No need for that, the manager and I are _friends._ ” Izaya’s smirk grew sharper at the word and Shizuo felt a vein pop on his forehead.

“Despicable morning, scum of Ikebukuro.” Shizuo greeted through gritted teeth, a forced grin plastered on his face so as to not scare the kids. ”Why did you bring your sisters here?”

“My sisters wanted some quality brother-sister bondage time.”

“Did you mean bonding?”

“I said what I said.” Izaya took a step forward, but Shizuo blocked his way.

“Leave.”

Just then, Shizuo’s manager rushed out of his office looking like he’d just finished running a marathon. “Orihara sama, what a pleasant surprise to meet you here!” He kissed the knuckles on Izaya’s extended hand. Shizuo barfed a little in his mouth at the overt display of affection. The manager then turned to Shizuo, his haunted eyes pleading. “Give this man anything he wants. Okay? **Anything**!” The man bowed at the Orihara trio, and ran away with his tails tucked between his legs.

Izaya touched Shizuo’s chin. “Close your mouth Shizu chan. Don’t wanna catch a fly.”

Shizuo grabbed the offending finger and leaned so close their noses would’ve touched if Izaya was a head taller. “I don’t know what you’re planning to do here, but these are little children and I won't let you lay a single finger on any of them.” 

“So harsh!” Izaya laughed, and leaned up and kissed Shizuo’s nose, causing Shizuo to jerk back, scandalized. “You should be careful of what you say around little children.”

“Little children should be more careful of human-trafficking blood-sucking louses like you.” Shizuo scoffed as he allowed Izaya’s sisters into the daycare.

Halfway down the corridor, an unmistakable stench invaded his nostrils. Shizuo whirled around to see Izaya, who looked like a cross between modern art and some creepy clown, as he stood frozen mid-step, one foot not touching the ground, struggling to hide behind a gigantic cloud of rainbow coloured balloons.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m trying to sneak in?”

“Why?” Shizuo growled, his patience growing thin.

“It’s my sisters’ birthday and they hate me on good days but want to murder me on bad days but today by some miracle they’ve allowed me to spend the birthday with them but then since they wanted to spend it in this daycare with you and Akane chan who they're friends with since they go to martial arts classes together I thought they’d appreciate it if they could celebrate it with their friends _pleasedon’tkickmeout_.” Izaya rattled off in one breath, and looked pleadingly at Shizuo, doing a very poor imitation of a cat asking for treats despite having been fed 10 minutes ago.

Shizuo brushed his hair back, attempting to think this through and ignoring Izaya as he squeaked something about God’s temples and delicious foreheads. 

The angel on Shiuzo’s shoulder (which for some reason looked like a chibi Celty) told Shizuo to kick Izaya out with a- _‘[You can never trust Izaya Orihara.’]_

The devil on Shizuo’s shoulder (which looked like a chibi Izaya with horns and a pointy tail) told Shizuo it wanted to lick the sweat off Shizuo’s glistening forehead.

Shizuo heaved out a sigh from the depths of his lungs. “Alright. Come in. Don’t make me regret this.”

“Yay!!” Izaya chirped, throwing his hands up in the air and causing the giant bags in his hands to spill over its contents on Shizuo, showering him with confetti.

Shizuo was _already_ regretting it.

* * *

“Okay children, gather around.” Shizuo clapped his hands, and the kids huddled around Shizuo eagerly. “Today, we’re going to do an exercise on thankfulness. Take a chit,” Shizuo held up a stack of coloured paper, “and write down something, or things, that you’re thankful for. We’ll exchange notes and read aloud. Alright? Let’s get to it then.”

Shizuo felt eyes drilling lasers into his back. 

“What.” He glared at Izaya.

Izaya snapped out of his daydream and wiped the drool off his mouth. “I didn’t realize you’re so good with children, Shizu chan. You’d make a great dad.”

"Please. Who'd want to marry a monster with inhuman strength."

Izaya didn't have a comeback to that. He's the one usually teasing Shizuo, calling him mean names. Hearing him call himself a monster didn't quite feel right. Izaya shook his head. He couldn't get swept up by Shizuo's sudden blues.

"Is everyone done with their list?" 

A jumbled chorus of "Yes"-s filled the room, and Shizuo helped everyone exchange their notes, making extra sure that none of the children got Izaya's chit. Knowing Izaya, he would probably write down some disturbing or shady stuff, just to mess with him.

"Who wants to go first?" Shizuo asked, and Mairu raised her hand and shook it excitedly. 

She didn't wait for his go signal,”I’m thankful for Kururi.”

“(And I’m thankful for) Mairu,” Kururi replied.

“Aww, so sweet. So, who wants to go next?” A few children raised hands, as did Izaya. Shizuo purposefully chose the kid sitting right next to Izaya to scorn him. 

Izaya pouted. “You know Shizu chan, if you were a booger, I’d pick you.”

Shizuo continued to ignore Izaya until he was the last one left. “You go next, Izaya.”

Shizuo had made sure no one took Izaya’s chit, so Izaya had to read his own chit aloud. “I’m thankful for my sisters not wanting to dismember me on their birthday.” 

Izaya’s sisters crooned. “Aww!”

“I’m thankful for my fur coats.”

“We can see that,” Shizuo commented disdainfully.

“Go on, feel my jacket.” Izaya reached out to Shizuo. “It’s made of boyfriend material.”

“No thanks. I’m sure humans don’t have fur but it’s possible you’ve made it work somehow.”

“Thanks for the compliment Shizu chan!” Izaya chittered, ignoring Shizuos’s muttered- _“It wasn’t a compliment, idiot,”_ and continued reading his note. “I’m thankful for Shizu chan’s poofy blonde hair that makes him look like an angry lion when I get too close. I’m thankful for Shizu chan’s monster stamina that can keep up with me…”

Shizuo looked at Izaya, eyes wide and cheeks red, “Wha- What are you saying in front of children..” 

Izaya winked at him, “...when we parkour through Ikebukuro. “

Shizuo sighed. It seemed Izaya was finally done. “And I’m thankful for Shizu chan’s plump round butt and...”

“Okay that’s it. Who wants to do crafts?!” Shizuo interrupted out loud, as he shot up and dragged the children away, leaving Izaya rolling on the floor laughing.

* * *

“Shizu chan!!” Izaya cried from where he sat by the child-sized table, legs splayed wide to fit his frame under the table.

Shizuo wiped the glue on his hands on a napkin and stuffed it into his apron’s pocket, approaching Izaya’s table with slow steps, eyeing the scissors in Izaya’s hand warily. Although he didn’t feel pain, he felt the phantom ache on the scar Izaya left on his chest on the day they first met, and, looking at Izaya as he grinned while branding the plastic safety scissors in his hand like his favourite switchblades, he knew Izaya too was thinking about it. “I was wondering if you had an extra heart. Because mine was just stolen!”

“Just cut another one out.” Shizuo huffed, and turned around.

“I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave. Because of your butt.” 

“Stop being crass.” Shizuo admonished, before turning his attention to the children as they glued the paper cut-outs onto their scrapbook.

“No no, Taka kun. The letter M doesn’t go there. Who knows what comes after I? Shizuo asked the rest.

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'I' and 'U' together.” Izaya simpered.

“I dont owe U anything, fucking louse.”

“Language!” Izaya gasped, loud and fake. 

Shizuo growled, “Stop answering questions meant for the children!”

“But I wanna be the very best like no one ever was.”

“You’re not even a student here.”

“I’m still going to top!” Izaya boasted.

“Please,” Kururi scoffed, displaying more emotion in that one word than she does in a day.

“You’re obviously a bottom.” Mairu agreed with her sister.

“$#!%” Izaya said, and Shizuo steered the rest of the children away from the screaming Orihara siblings and to the break room, deciding it was about time the children took a nap break.

* * *

Izaya peeked around the door, and Shizuo whispered over the child he’d just managed to put to sleep. “What?!”

“I’ve lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?”

Shizuo threw a pillow at Izaya, hitting him square in the face. “Nailed it!” He fistpumped.

“How about you nail me instead?” Izaya batted his eyelashes at Shizuo in a come hither motion.

Shizuo threw a table at him.

* * *

Shizuo looked around, feeling his chest puff up in pride. He’d done a decent job of transforming the little playroom into a birthday party appropriate room, complete with streamers and balloons and a banner that said ‘Happy Birthday’ in big, bold, glittery letters. The bright colors of the playroom matched the festive decorations, as well as the birthday cake- all it needed were candles and then it would be perfect. He felt a tug on his sleeve, and looked down to see Izaya looking sheepish.

“Do you have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knee falling for you.”

“Go away Izaya. Can’t you see I’m busy.. Oh shit you really are bleeding.” Shizuo tossed the matches in his hands aside and hurried to get the first aid kit.

“Uwaaa!” Akane and the other children started crying at the sight of blood.

“Um.” Izaya started, but was interrupted by Shizuo.

“Hush. Let me tend to your wound first.”

Shizuo searched around in the first aid kit box, but couldn’t find the scissors. Giving up, he ripped Izaya’s pant leg right off.

Kururi and Mairu wolf-whistled and Akane covered her friend’s eyes.

Shizuo lifted Izaya up like he weighed nothing, and knowing Shizuo and his monster strength, he probably did weigh nothing to him. Izaya held on to Shizuo’s shoulders awkwardly as the blond cleaned his wound with a splash of water. Shizuo didn’t bother putting Izaya down , thinking the tick would just run off without getting treated, as he soaked a cotton swab with disinfectant, and pressed it gently to Izaya’s skin.

Izaya hissed in pain, gripping Shizuo’s shoulder tighter. Shizuo blew gently on the wound, so as to ease the pain. He then applied a bandage, covering the wound. “There, all better.” Shizuo reached forward to kiss Izaya’s forehead out of force of habit, and stopped, just inches away from his skin.

This close, Shizuo could see, for the first time, the reddish streaks in Izaya’s eyes, see how bewitchingly long his lashes really are. 

“Hey you two lovebirds!” Mairu called out, snapping them both out of their trance.

“Fire.” Kururi pointed behind them.

“What do you mean fire.. OH MY GOD FIRE!” Shizuo screamed, and quickly gathered up all the children in both of his arms, and made a mad dash for the door.

“Somebody call 911, Shizu chan fire burning on the dance floor, whoa~! ” Izaya started to sing.

Shizuo threw Izaya out the window.


End file.
